It’s over.

After 13 years of a on and off relationship the father of my kids and I have called it quits !

Today will be the 4th day since the break up and I am finally wrapping my head around the fact that it is happening AGAIN.

It happened on Monday and I felt so much anger, confusion and sadness. The second day was just weird and we told our kids what was going to happen. Dad was leaving. It was a very upsetting moment but my kids understand and are ok. I was really sad and again really angry at us because of what we are putting our kids through. However , it’s worse to put our kids through a bad relationship right ?

Anyway day 3 – Thursday. It was my mother’s death anniversary. 4 years of her being gone. So my siblings, kids and I were out together and stopped at the cemetery. I thought about how disappointed she may feel from the separation from him and I. She wanted us to be a happy family back when we only had two kids. Now we have 3. I feel like I have failed . Failed her and my kids.

We were having a discussion at the end of the night about what are we going to do as far as my living situation. He is moving back with his parents and well I dont have a place to go that’s rent free. I’m also only working part time. I JUST started working part time a month ago. Of course he said he would pay the rent untill the lease is up but what’s going to happen afterwards ? It wont change the fact that I don’t make enough money because our youngest kid is 16 months and we can’t afford child care. My head has been going around in circles trying to figure something out !

While he thought things might have gotten easier for him now that he will be single and rent free sort of … He doesn’t realize that things are actually going to become harder.

It is crazy and it sucks. What’s worse is that I don’t even have an actual reason for the break up ? But for the past 2 weeks I felt it coming. I wish I could understand more of how men think. I’m not blaming him for everything. I have a bad attitude problem so I do believe it’s both our fault , but to not have an actual reason other than it didn’t work out is ridiculous to me.

That’s all for tonight. Goodnight.

To my best friends in life. I am thankful for you!

My siblings.

My support system.

Best friends.

We have proven to be able to get through fire together.

Over the last 3 years (almost 4) since mom passed we have adjusted our lives in the most positive way possible. We have discovered our strength through our loss and even our weaknesses. We have picked each other up when needed. Proof that we were raised by a great mother. She showered us in love and support and that is what we now do for each other. I am so thankful for the mom we had and thankful she gave me you guys.

This year has been challenging for me, but you guys have been cheering me on through these challenges and pushing me to keep going.

So much of your time has been devoted to my kids and to me and I am forever grateful. I hope you guys know that you are all very beautiful individuals. Inside and out.

THANK YOU my sweet loving sisters and brothers. God bless y’all. ❤

A decade full of love !

My son turned 10 ! Double digits ! I’ve been a mom to such an amazing boy for a decade ! 

My Diego , 

We have been through a lot you and I. As you know I had you when I was 17 ! Since the day you were born a lot has changed. For the better of course ! 

I tried not to get emotional today, but it was hard not to since all the memories of you as a baby came into my head and look at you now ! Wow! My boy you are growing up to be a good kid with big dreams and I’m proud of you for that! You hold a special olavw in my heart as my first born and only son. No matter how old you get you will always be that … My first born and only son. You have taught me so many things over the years , especially the feeling of unconditional love ! 

Today we celebrated you by taking you out to eat at Chili’s without your sisters , a trip to Toys R Us and Basking Robbins ice cream cake. This weekend will be eventful as well. I hope you enjoyed your 10th Birthday. I love you DJ. 💙

Son , Santa isn’t real !

What’s the appropriate age to tell a child that Santa isn’t real ? 

Today we told our 9 year old son ( he will be 10 in a week) that Santa is in fact NOT REAL ! I knew we would be telling him this year , but since he was already making a christmas list on our Target run , Edgardo and I told him today. My poor son was in such denial ! We explained to him that his dad and I would hide their Santa letters, go shopping on a day they were not around , wrap presents and hide them until they were sleeping on Christmas eve. He started to tear up and so was I. I looked at Edgardo and said ” I hate you that you made me do this !” Even though he really didn’t “make” me do it. 

My son got up from the couch and wanted to go upstairs to his room but I just pulled him to me and hugged him. I asked him what is it that is making him cry ? And he couldn’t answer, but he did say Christmas is not going to be the same anymore. I told him not to say that because Christmas is much more than just Santa Clause. 

I came up with a “promotion” of becoming an “elf” which meant he could help his dad and I shop for his sisters Santa gifts. He’s also welcomed to help wrap the presents. 

Of course we asked him not to tell his sisters because Santa Clause will still be coming to our home for many years. Janette is 7 and Camila is 10 months so yeah, many more years.  

Anyway , he cheered up after I “promoted” him to elf. Then we let him watch a movie with his sister before bed. 

Was really not expecting this conversation today , but it happened. I would not have done it during Christmas time either because I think that would have been harder for him.  At least now he knows and will be expecting a different kind of Christmas, still a very merry one that’s for sure. 

This is one of those moments that I was dreading as a mom. Yes I have my girls that will still believe in the magic of Santa, but my son is now a step closer into the more grown up world.

I will always remember his little face seeing Christmas presents from Santa. It is without a doubt a beautiful feeling to wake your kids up on Christmas morning. My big boy .Growing so fast. And that’s just it , kids grow up so fast. One minute they are writing to Santa and the next thing you know there is no Santa. 

I’m looking forward to Christmas like every year and I will have to make sure that he still sees the magic in Christmas. 

12 years ! 

Edgardo and I have been on a roller coaster ride together for 12 years !! 

We met at the young age of 15 and we became “official” August 16, 2005. 

It really does feel like it was just yesterday we were both teenagers having fun and going to school and hanging out on weekends. How can I forget those after school calls for about 20- 30 minutes and then hours on the phone late at night ! It was a great feeling to see his phone number appear on my caller ID ! Then when the weekend would roll around we would hang out Friday or Saturday and if we were lucky both days 🙂 it really felt like time went too fast when we would hang out. I remember wishing to be able to stop time. I was so madly in love with him. Love so pure , innocent and real ! Of course I still love him now, but it’s a different love. We have been through a lot so it feels different but still love. 

Edgardo and I met through a friend from high school. It was freshmen year of high school , second semester when I met a girl named Kasia. I can’t remember what class it was but I was in need of a pencil and didn’t have one on me. I turned around and asked the girl behind me if she had one I could borrow. I noticed she seemed quiet and I got the feeling that she was new to the school. I asked her if she was new and she said yes. I took a look at her binder that she carried and it had pictures of her classmates from middle school. I thought one of her classmates was cute. Anyway I invited her to sit with me and my friends at lunch and that’s how we became friends. All of a sudden I had boys from her old school calling me. Since I was curious at the time and wanted to put a face on these boys I asked her to bring her yearbook. My cousin and I were looking at the yearbook one night and I asked her who she thought was cute for me. (Haha , crazy teenage days) After a couple pages she pointed out Edgardo and asked me ” What about him?” I said ” ummm, ok” so next thing I kmow I was on the phone with him and another boy named Carlos. Edgardo asked for my number and said he would call me some other time. He called me the weekend after that. And again …the rest is history. Edgardo and I talked every night for a long time. We only knew of what we looked like from pictures. We didn’t meet in person till May and we would talk on the phone every night since January. Once we met we hung out twice and then he left for Mexico for the summer. Once he came back that’s when we became official. The day right before I started sophmore year of high school. He started school a week or two after me. 

We were so in love. Yes , we would argue but there was times we just wanted to run away together so we can be together all the time. We also had one or two day break ups. I remember how badly it hurt our first breakup. Then in January 2007 we found out we were going to be parents. I became pregnant with our first baby at 17 ! We did not know what we were getting ourselves into but we loved each other and we loved the baby that was growing in my belly so nothing else mattered….UNTIL of course the baby was born. Reality struck us !!! We were filled with joy and love when Diego was born but we were also extremely tired. We both went to school , he worked and I had moved with him and his parents but was at my mom’s house everyday while he was at work. Things became too much and we started to have problems. We officially broke up when Diego was only 4 weeks old. I moved back to my mom’s condo and we manage to co parent Diego. We ended playing a break up – get back together game which was tough on us and our parents. During a time we got back together I got pregnant with our second baby. We were 20. Again we started having problems and we broke up and we stayed broken up for three years ! In those three years he did try to get back together again but I had become so sick of the game we were playing that I had no interest in getting back together with him. I was tired of it. Also I became independent and was really enjoying it. In those three years I learned to find myself. For so long he was my only reason of being and then Diego came and then Sophia that I never had time for me. Those 3 years went by pretty fast to me and since he was still willing to be with me and having out family back together again I asked him to be my boyfriend again so that we can all be back together and love each other again. Oh I forgot to mention that in  three years we were not together I learned to forgive him. We hurt each other and I felt like I went through hell for a long time. I learned to move from that and was able to start fresh with him. 

6 months after getting back together my mom died from Cancer. It was difficult for my siblings and I to understand why her and we had problems coping. It also included problems with Edgardo and again we were going to break up. However , we ended up getting engaged in August ! We planned for our engagement to be 2 years. We wanted to get married August 2016. Instead I quit my job , became pregnant and stayed at home with the kids and the new baby. And this is where we are now. In a townhome with a 9year old , 7 year old and a 9 month old. Whooo would have tought all of this would happen?!! Certainly not us ! 

Our love story is a crazy one. Our life right now is a crazy one. Thankfully we have matured and understand each other more. Despite all the troubles there has been so many great memories and we brought/bring happiness to each other. I want to be able to be role models to our kids. I want my kids to see that real love does exist and that love is a beautiful thing. So happy 12 years to us and here’s to forever ! ❤



Many people who know me and my family would already know that my brother Michael is my real life hero !

I can always count on him when I am in need of help. Weather it’s going out to get my groceries, a helping hand with my kids, fixing something on my laptop and/or listening to me vent. He doesn’t hesitate to be there for me. There has been countless of times that my brother has saved me from rough situations. I cannot imagine my life without him. I am thankful that he exist and I get to call him my brother.

Even though he is my little brother and I am older than him by 5 years I still very much need him probably more than he needs me. I’m okay with admitting that.

I would like to say that he is the perfect brother, but perfect does not exist. He has his flaws just like everyone else. There are times we annoy each other and we know to give each other some space. We don’t always see eye to eye, but we get along very well every other day and that’s what matters.

Not only is he a great brother to me, but a great uncle to my kids. He became an uncle at only 12 years old and he’s been an awesome uncle since then. My kids absolutely love him. He has done many things for them and it doesn’t go unnoticed. He’s been there for every birthday and makes their birthday special in his own way. He has also been there for first day of school and has picked them up from school many times. I see how much patience he has with them and teaching them new things. Not to be cheesy, but here comes the cheese…when my brother walks through our front door my kids faces light up! There isn’t a day when my kiddos aren’t asking me if Michael is coming over. Needless to say they have a special bond going on. 

Michael has had his own issues in the past. It was hard on all of us when our mom passed away, but for Mike things took a bad turn. I hate to think back to those memories because to me my brother is someone I look to for happiness. Because that’s what he brings to my kids and I (and to other family members). Three years have passed since the loss of our mom and the unfortunate events that followed, and I’m happy to say (or write) that he has come a long way. I am very proud of him for that. My wish for him is that he continues to progress and to conquer his dreams.

It wasn’t always this way. We didn’t always have the relationship we have now. Thinking back I didn’t pay much attention to Michael growing up. Since he was the only boy he would be in his own little world. I think he would mostly go around bugging Jessica since they were closer in age. Anyway, fast forward time to where we are now I am happy that we have been able to build this brother sister relationship.

I often see quotes about fathers being a girls real life hero…but my case is different. My little brother is my hero.

Thanks Michael for everything !!!


I’ve been loving you for 7 years

My dearest Janette Sophia ,

You have turned 7 years old this year. It has been a joy to see you grow these past seven years.

You are my little go getter. Anything you set your mind on you get out there and do it. For example you potty trained yourself when you were 2 and learned how to ride your bike without training wheels in one day this year while you were still 6. Actually now that I think about it you should probably know that you pretty much came out on your own the day you were born. (haha) I should have known from them that you were going to take on the world.

This year we celebrated your birthday day at Six Flags !!! Your cousins, aunts and uncles came to join us. We also had a small cookout for you on Saturday and today you are out with your godfather at Dave and Busters. You have been a busy girl !!

I’m so thrilled to see what this year will bring for you. My wish is that you stay healthy, happy and kind. As well as brave and enthusiastic.

I love you so much and I am so lucky to call you my daughter.