12 years ! 

Edgardo and I have been on a roller coaster ride together for 12 years !! 

We met at the young age of 15 and we became “official” August 16, 2005. 

It really does feel like it was just yesterday we were both teenagers having fun and going to school and hanging out on weekends. How can I forget those after school calls for about 20- 30 minutes and then hours on the phone late at night ! It was a great feeling to see his phone number appear on my caller ID ! Then when the weekend would roll around we would hang out Friday or Saturday and if we were lucky both days 🙂 it really felt like time went too fast when we would hang out. I remember wishing to be able to stop time. I was so madly in love with him. Love so pure , innocent and real ! Of course I still love him now, but it’s a different love. We have been through a lot so it feels different but still love. 

Edgardo and I met through a friend from high school. It was freshmen year of high school , second semester when I met a girl named Kasia. I can’t remember what class it was but I was in need of a pencil and didn’t have one on me. I turned around and asked the girl behind me if she had one I could borrow. I noticed she seemed quiet and I got the feeling that she was new to the school. I asked her if she was new and she said yes. I took a look at her binder that she carried and it had pictures of her classmates from middle school. I thought one of her classmates was cute. Anyway I invited her to sit with me and my friends at lunch and that’s how we became friends. All of a sudden I had boys from her old school calling me. Since I was curious at the time and wanted to put a face on these boys I asked her to bring her yearbook. My cousin and I were looking at the yearbook one night and I asked her who she thought was cute for me. (Haha , crazy teenage days) After a couple pages she pointed out Edgardo and asked me ” What about him?” I said ” ummm, ok” so next thing I kmow I was on the phone with him and another boy named Carlos. Edgardo asked for my number and said he would call me some other time. He called me the weekend after that. And again …the rest is history. Edgardo and I talked every night for a long time. We only knew of what we looked like from pictures. We didn’t meet in person till May and we would talk on the phone every night since January. Once we met we hung out twice and then he left for Mexico for the summer. Once he came back that’s when we became official. The day right before I started sophmore year of high school. He started school a week or two after me. 

We were so in love. Yes , we would argue but there was times we just wanted to run away together so we can be together all the time. We also had one or two day break ups. I remember how badly it hurt our first breakup. Then in January 2007 we found out we were going to be parents. I became pregnant with our first baby at 17 ! We did not know what we were getting ourselves into but we loved each other and we loved the baby that was growing in my belly so nothing else mattered….UNTIL of course the baby was born. Reality struck us !!! We were filled with joy and love when Diego was born but we were also extremely tired. We both went to school , he worked and I had moved with him and his parents but was at my mom’s house everyday while he was at work. Things became too much and we started to have problems. We officially broke up when Diego was only 4 weeks old. I moved back to my mom’s condo and we manage to co parent Diego. We ended playing a break up – get back together game which was tough on us and our parents. During a time we got back together I got pregnant with our second baby. We were 20. Again we started having problems and we broke up and we stayed broken up for three years ! In those three years he did try to get back together again but I had become so sick of the game we were playing that I had no interest in getting back together with him. I was tired of it. Also I became independent and was really enjoying it. In those three years I learned to find myself. For so long he was my only reason of being and then Diego came and then Sophia that I never had time for me. Those 3 years went by pretty fast to me and since he was still willing to be with me and having out family back together again I asked him to be my boyfriend again so that we can all be back together and love each other again. Oh I forgot to mention that in  three years we were not together I learned to forgive him. We hurt each other and I felt like I went through hell for a long time. I learned to move from that and was able to start fresh with him. 

6 months after getting back together my mom died from Cancer. It was difficult for my siblings and I to understand why her and we had problems coping. It also included problems with Edgardo and again we were going to break up. However , we ended up getting engaged in August ! We planned for our engagement to be 2 years. We wanted to get married August 2016. Instead I quit my job , became pregnant and stayed at home with the kids and the new baby. And this is where we are now. In a townhome with a 9year old , 7 year old and a 9 month old. Whooo would have tought all of this would happen?!! Certainly not us ! 

Our love story is a crazy one. Our life right now is a crazy one. Thankfully we have matured and understand each other more. Despite all the troubles there has been so many great memories and we brought/bring happiness to each other. I want to be able to be role models to our kids. I want my kids to see that real love does exist and that love is a beautiful thing. So happy 12 years to us and here’s to forever ! ❤

 

MY REAL LIFE HERO

Many people who know me and my family would already know that my brother Michael is my real life hero !

I can always count on him when I am in need of help. Weather it’s going out to get my groceries, a helping hand with my kids, fixing something on my laptop and/or listening to me vent. He doesn’t hesitate to be there for me. There has been countless of times that my brother has saved me from rough situations. I cannot imagine my life without him. I am thankful that he exist and I get to call him my brother.

Even though he is my little brother and I am older than him by 5 years I still very much need him probably more than he needs me. I’m okay with admitting that.

I would like to say that he is the perfect brother, but perfect does not exist. He has his flaws just like everyone else. There are times we annoy each other and we know to give each other some space. We don’t always see eye to eye, but we get along very well every other day and that’s what matters.

Not only is he a great brother to me, but a great uncle to my kids. He became an uncle at only 12 years old and he’s been an awesome uncle since then. My kids absolutely love him. He has done many things for them and it doesn’t go unnoticed. He’s been there for every birthday and makes their birthday special in his own way. He has also been there for first day of school and has picked them up from school many times. I see how much patience he has with them and teaching them new things. Not to be cheesy, but here comes the cheese…when my brother walks through our front door my kids faces light up! There isn’t a day when my kiddos aren’t asking me if Michael is coming over. Needless to say they have a special bond going on. 

Michael has had his own issues in the past. It was hard on all of us when our mom passed away, but for Mike things took a bad turn. I hate to think back to those memories because to me my brother is someone I look to for happiness. Because that’s what he brings to my kids and I (and to other family members). Three years have passed since the loss of our mom and the unfortunate events that followed, and I’m happy to say (or write) that he has come a long way. I am very proud of him for that. My wish for him is that he continues to progress and to conquer his dreams.

It wasn’t always this way. We didn’t always have the relationship we have now. Thinking back I didn’t pay much attention to Michael growing up. Since he was the only boy he would be in his own little world. I think he would mostly go around bugging Jessica since they were closer in age. Anyway, fast forward time to where we are now I am happy that we have been able to build this brother sister relationship.

I often see quotes about fathers being a girls real life hero…but my case is different. My little brother is my hero.

Thanks Michael for everything !!!

 

Going out for the first time in 18 months

Pretty excited to have gone out to celebrate a friends birthday tonight. I have not gone out since I found out I was pregnant which was in April 2016. I was not able to drink because of breastfeeding and I was only out for a couple of hours , but I still enjoyed every bit of it.

Pictured above is Edgardo , my best friend Martha and her boyfriend and of course me.

I had to start getting ready at 6 to be out the house by 8. I didn’t leave till 8:30 pm though because Camila, my baby girl, was sound asleep. I had to wait for her to wake up and nurse her before I left. It really isn’t what it used to be. Before I would just have one of my sisters or brother baby sit and Edgardo and I would be able to be out all night if we wanted to. Also I would only need one hour to get ready. I know eventually we will be able to get nights out again, the baby stage is not forever. So for now I will continue to enjoy having my little baby being a baby and be greatful that I had 2 hours out tonight.

 

My sister did my makeup 

This is a before and after shot. I asked my sister to do my makeup today. I don’t normally do my makeup anymore because I’m so busy with the baby and my other kids. It feels nice to have makeup on and especially having it done by someone else. 

Products we used :

  • Carli Bybel palette on my eyes.
  • Makeup forever foundation
  • Anastasia Beverly Hills brow wiz
  • L.a. girl conceal for contour 
  • Milani lipstick – bahama beige 
  • Laura Mercier setting powder

Didn’t bother to do my hair because it’s been a rainy humid day. So I left it up, threw some skinny jeans on and a gray top and we went to the mall. #TGIF 

I’ve been loving you for 7 years

My dearest Janette Sophia ,

You have turned 7 years old this year. It has been a joy to see you grow these past seven years.

You are my little go getter. Anything you set your mind on you get out there and do it. For example you potty trained yourself when you were 2 and learned how to ride your bike without training wheels in one day this year while you were still 6. Actually now that I think about it you should probably know that you pretty much came out on your own the day you were born. (haha) I should have known from them that you were going to take on the world.

This year we celebrated your birthday day at Six Flags !!! Your cousins, aunts and uncles came to join us. We also had a small cookout for you on Saturday and today you are out with your godfather at Dave and Busters. You have been a busy girl !!

I’m so thrilled to see what this year will bring for you. My wish is that you stay healthy, happy and kind. As well as brave and enthusiastic.

I love you so much and I am so lucky to call you my daughter.

Regrets , we all have them.

I hate feeling regretful, but here are some things I regret in some way or another : 

  1. Not being there for my mother more as she battled cancer. 
  2. Not having goals when I was younger
  3. Not saving money when I was able to and instead splurging on unnecessary things.
  4. Getting an epidural when giving birth to Sophia. 
  5. Wasting my time on people who don’t matter. 
  6. Not learning how to cook early on. Especially when I had my mother around. 
  7. Wanting to grow up quickly.

Ooooh sh*!

I forgot to pay the car note last month !!!! What’s worse is that I spent the money thinking I had extra money in my account for fun ! Big mistake !!! 

Our truck is under my boyfriend’s name and his mom. Some of our mail is still going to our previous address which is his parents house. Since the letter had her name on it she opened it and called us tonight asking if we were having money problems and if we need money to pay the truck because she received a letter that it has not been paid. How absolutely embarrassing. To me at least. Edgardo came into the room and asked me if I had paid the car and I said oh s!!t. I completely forgot to. I normally don’t have time to get on the computer , I take care of all my bills through my phone and that’s the one bill I do online on my laptop. 

I quickly realized I had screwed us over because I only had the money for next month’s rent and like $50 extra. So I told him the amount I had and he’s like well where the money I gave you for the car payment? And I’m like I don’t think you gave it to me. I was in disbelief that I could have possibly spent a car payment when I don’t even go out and shop. So I’m looking through my bank statement, but I was so in shock about it all and the kids are talking to us and Camila won’t stay still that I couldn’t even concentrate on my bank statements. So I quickly just look at the deposits for the month and add those up because I’m still sitting there thinking he couldn’t have given me enough money to pay the car. So we add the deposits and it does leave us with $200 left over and he’s wondering where it went. 

I get online to pay the car and he leaves the room .I can tell he’s stressed and becoming angry. I told him to calm down and I’m signing in to pay the car. He’s freaking out and asking me what money I’m going to use to pay it. I told him I have some cash I put away and I could deposit tomorrow but I would for now use the money for next month’s rent. 

So there the car is paid. With the cash I had put away I really only took $80 from the rent money and we would have to make up for. But to him it was still unacceptable. I go downstairs to get the baby from him and tell him that there is no point on getting angry. He says well I want to know where the $200 went or how did they disappear. I said “ok I’ll print out bank statements and you could look to see why it all did not add up.” I also asked him to deposit the cash to my account and he replied that he’s going to stay really late at work tomorrow so he doesn’t want to stop at the bank after. Since I realized he wasn’t going to cheer up in anyway tonight I just went upstairs and put the baby to sleep. 

Once the baby was asleep I logged in to my bank account and looked to see where I had spent this money and how much he really gave me. Once I was able to clear that out I sent him a text message so he can read when he is awake for work to where I was wrong in spending money and also that what he gave me was not enough. We are both at fault. 

After being shocked about it all I felt so helpless. Helpless because I don’t bring in any income and in a moment like this I can’t help. I don’t like to see him stress over money and when he does again I feel helpless. 

After feeling helpless I started to look on the brighter side and feel like we should be thankful. Thankful that we had that extra cash that I was saving for a rainy day or just letting it pile up as another savings stash. Also thankful that he has a job where they let him work overtime and that helps out a lot. I fully understand that he doesn’t want to work more than 8-9 hours a day , who does? But he is able to put in 4-5 hours overtime if he wants to. I think that’s something to be thankful for. 

What a night it has been. I really hope I never forget to pay the car note again. I’ll still feel helpless until the day I can work again, but for now I have to stay dedicated and thankful for being a stay at home mom.