After 13 years of a on and off relationship the father of my kids and I have called it quits !
Today will be the 4th day since the break up and I am finally wrapping my head around the fact that it is happening AGAIN.
It happened on Monday and I felt so much anger, confusion and sadness. The second day was just weird and we told our kids what was going to happen. Dad was leaving. It was a very upsetting moment but my kids understand and are ok. I was really sad and again really angry at us because of what we are putting our kids through. However , it’s worse to put our kids through a bad relationship right ?
Anyway day 3 – Thursday. It was my mother’s death anniversary. 4 years of her being gone. So my siblings, kids and I were out together and stopped at the cemetery. I thought about how disappointed she may feel from the separation from him and I. She wanted us to be a happy family back when we only had two kids. Now we have 3. I feel like I have failed . Failed her and my kids.
We were having a discussion at the end of the night about what are we going to do as far as my living situation. He is moving back with his parents and well I dont have a place to go that’s rent free. I’m also only working part time. I JUST started working part time a month ago. Of course he said he would pay the rent untill the lease is up but what’s going to happen afterwards ? It wont change the fact that I don’t make enough money because our youngest kid is 16 months and we can’t afford child care. My head has been going around in circles trying to figure something out !
While he thought things might have gotten easier for him now that he will be single and rent free sort of … He doesn’t realize that things are actually going to become harder.
It is crazy and it sucks. What’s worse is that I don’t even have an actual reason for the break up ? But for the past 2 weeks I felt it coming. I wish I could understand more of how men think. I’m not blaming him for everything. I have a bad attitude problem so I do believe it’s both our fault , but to not have an actual reason other than it didn’t work out is ridiculous to me.
That’s all for tonight. Goodnight.